what the beep?


Why do kitchen appliances make such fucking annoying sounds?

My dishwasher beeps FIVE times when it’s finished. FIVE irritating, demanding, ‘look at me, look at me’ beeps to notify me that the dishes are now clean and shiny.


Yes, I am incredibly grateful that I have this wondrous machine that converts crud-covered slabs of stickiness into purdy, shiny, strokable crockery, but why the fuck does it have to beep FIVE times?

Couldn’t it have a nice, discreet English butler voice that says, unobtrusively, ‘Pardon me, Ma’am, the crud-covered slabs are now dishes and they are sparkly and squeaky clean.’  

Or a sound effect. Themed. A wave washing onto the shore. Symbolically representing the cleansing of the dishes. Or a waterfall. Cleansing, soothing, makes you want to pee, but that’s okay. Better than those FIVE fucking beeps.

I’d settle for one beep. Or a volume control.

Or instructions on how to hack the dishwasher and kill the beeps. I am willing to pay.

Explore posts in the same categories: stuff

5 Comments on “what the beep?”

  1. I would kill for a beepless washing machine or dishwasher. They send Boo batshit.

    I actually wrap the washing machine in a shit covered doona so he can’t hear it. And I ALWAYS have a shit covered doona!

    OH and that coffee? What about next week?

  2. kittypstar Says:

    So shit covered doonas are good for sound proofing? Hmmmm.
    Nah, think I’d rather put up with the beeps…..

    Anytime is good for coffee……email me

  3. O'Neal Says:

    I got a new washer for my bday 2 years ago. (So cool, right?) The all done buzzer made me insane! One power drill later I had the buzzer in my hand. I feel your pain!

  4. kittypstar Says:

    A buzzer? That’s worse than beeps! Who designs these things?

  5. O'Neal Says:

    The same guys that design tampons I’m sure! 😉

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